Tuesday, August 30, 2005

A thoroughly Childish affair

Two children, one a meek-looking scrawny geek (herein called Scrawny), the other a fatass pompous bully (herein called Fatass), are having an argument. From time to time, as is the case today, the scrawny one has developed a backbone. The fat pompous bastard, of course, is having none of it.

This all revolves around an object of contention between Scrawny and Fatass. Scrawny owns this object, and lends it to Fatass on a regular basis, but lately Fatass has taken more and more advantage of Scrawny's generosity. Fatass demands more and more possession of contentious object, to which Scrawny has typically obliged, as he believes he can get certain things from Fatass in return.

However, Scrawny has finally realized that Fatass is taking advantage of him. He now brings in the authorities (an older boy named Pedro... don't ask why) who has the power to instill fear in both parties. Pedro tells Fatass that the nonstop whining of both Fatass and Scrawny is wearing thin. Despite the fact that Pedro seems rather imposing, he is notoriously easily distracted by shiny objects, and one soon conveniently appears to avert his attentions.

Although Fatass has had a certain fear of retribution instilled in him by Pedro, Pedro's lack of focus causes him to forget what he was on about. The crafty Fatass takes the opportunity to claim that it was all Scrawny's fault that Pedro got involved and could spend less of his time staring at Shiny Objects. This rather displeases Pedro, and so Pedro gives Scrawny a thorough thrashing. The moral is, Scrawny gets screwed 'cause he relies on someone who doesn't really pay attention to settle his conflicts.

This entirely pointless story was somehow inspired by the North American softwood lumber dispute. Scrawny = Canada. Fatass = U.S. Pedro = NAFTA. Consider yourselves edumicated.

-The Staff

1 comment:

sookie said...

Pedro doesn't really scare anybody, except for those concerned about reputation and political correctness (read Scrawny). If you're a (fat) jackass you're a jackass, and you don't care what anybody thinks.